The Hard Stuff

What Would it Look Like if We Just Stopped All the Self Shaming Malarkey?

I know I’m talking crazy here (and different from my normal crazy).  I don’t normally write posts like this.  I mean I’ve been known to write a serious note or two here and there — but this thought has been on my mind for months now.

Seriously now, what would it look like?

If we stopped it with the “well I couldn’t do it nearly as well’s”, “it’s not as nice as such and such’s”, “I could never compete with’s” or even “it doesn’t hold a candle to’s”.

I’ll tell you what it would like like:  Thank you.

Well, no… not thank you. Just, here… Conversations would go something like this:

You: This cake is delicious!

Me: Thank you!


You: This cake is delicious!

Me: Well, it’s not as good as the last time I made it, but I think it worked out!


You: That dress looks really nice on you.

Me: Thank you!


You: That dress looks really nice on you.

Me: Not as good as it looked on you, but thanks!


Think I’m making something out of nothing? Those seem like perfectly acceptable conversations right?  “My” responses are’t ones of self loathing or even really that negative.  Heck the last one even seems to suggest a laugh. So what the heck kind of point am I trying to make here?

In my experience those responses outside of the realm “thank you” happen for two reasons. 1.) The person is digging for a compliment — but much more commonly it’s for 2.) the fact that this kind of doubtful language has been intricately woven into their life.  Over and over again.

Still think I’m reading too much into all this?  This person obviously is just stating a fact — this cake is not as good as their last one. Duh?  And in fact, in the case of the dress situation, they’re choosing to repay a compliment with another compliment! How can you misconstrue that?!

Because I’m not the one misconstruing.  I’m the one truth telling.  All of it is malarkey.  Not familiar with the word? Google it. Marlarkey: meaningless talk, nonsense.   And I mean it when I say this — all of the stuff that comes after a compliment (and maybe even constructive criticism) besides the words thank you?  Malarkey.

The only use any of those other words prove to serve is to convince yourself, as well as those around you, that you are not worthy.  Not of them or even yourself. And no, I’m not starting some sort of rant about a sense of self entitlement.  I’m not worthy of many things, or people.  But I am worthy of my own self respect. And so are you.

Still not with me?  What if your mom heard you talking like this? Your grandpa? Your brother or sister?  Your best friend? Your significant other? Or worse yet, your child?  Over and over again.  They might start talking like you too. And then someone else like them and then… Well, you get the picture.

Words, language, speech — breath life into thoughts, feelings and thusly, actions.  If you are interested in keeping things simple and truly breeding positive thinking, energy and action, join me in this. And the next time someone tells you something nice, just say thank you.  

It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you are not. 

Am I way off, or did I hit the nail on the head? What are your thoughts?

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1 Comment

  • Reply
    February 7, 2015 at 3:20 pm

    You wrote this awhile ago, but still had to comment.. You hit that nail on the head and through the board! I’ve never seen a woman do this who didn’t really need a strong dose of self love.

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