Early on in 2015 I received an in-your-face life lesson on the power of voicing thoughts and ideas and how we choose to speak life into those certain thoughts and ideas simply by voicing them — for better or worse.
I unofficially chose this word: speak, to be my anthem for the remainder of the year. I focused intently on not voicing negative thoughts or ideas with the understanding that I would give them power and meaning and then would ultimately see them come to fruition in my own life — and instead worked my hardest to speak loudly on the positive thoughts and ideas that flowed from and around me.
I still believe that we speak life with the words we say — and that there is untapped raw power in this notion — but there was one little flaw with my plan: I may not have been speaking or breathing life into these negative feelings, but I certainly wasn’t freeing myself of them either. In fact I may have been burying some of them. Maybe even a lot of them.
As we neared the end of 2015 I felt my exhausted, sleep deprived self fighting as hard as I possibly could to just stay positive, to maintain even a mediocre attitude; diminishing any negative feeling I had, shoving it down deep as ‘not worthy of concern’ — which of course only led to feelings of sadness and inadequacy. Not only was I not freeing my mind of negative thoughts and emotions, but I wasn’t managing stress either.
A few nights ago my tightly woven self un-raveled, and out of the messy and disheveled heap we learned that: at this stage in my life, I need a few moments (30 minutes?) each day to unwind a little. To manage my stress. To be a better me. A better wife. A better mom. Whether that comes in the form of yoga, getting caught up on some laundry sans baby, writing, or a freakin’ long hot bath. It is up to me to decide each day.
So as we edge into this new year I am still mindful of the power it means to speak, but am more focused on being free. Free to thrive, but also free to fail. Free to love and forgive, but also free to hurt and heal. Free to write and voice, but also free to withdraw and reflect. And free to find joy in both the obvious and not so obvious moments.
Care to join me in some sans baby laundry? ;)
Also, a few of my favs from 2015: Dressing a Postpartum Body/ Dos and Don’ts, More Confessions of a Capsule Wardrobe Wearer, Fun Refuels the Spirit, Operation Blanton Farm / A “Before” Home Tour, In My Bag / [No-Makeup] Makeup Bag, Operation Blanton Farm / Designing a Minimal Nursery, Let it Go, Letting Go, Creating an All Seasons Capsule Wardrobe / The Plan, and Thurser Remington, a Birth Story