Soon Nick and I will be headed west for a trip to Los Angeles, CA — sans baby.
Needless to say emotions are running high for this mama. Nick and I haven’t taken a trip like this since our first wedding anniversary — over four years ago. It will be the first time I leave either of my babies for any significant length of time so over the last week or so I’ve been navigating all sorts of feelings: guilt, excitement, guilt, some more excitement, guilt. And oh wait, have I mentioned guilt?
Examples of guilt ridden conversations I’ve had with myself over the past couple of weeks:
You’re basically abandoning them.
No, you’re not. It’s okay. They will be okay.
Your mom, or Nick’s mom or [insert every other better mom than me here] would never leave their babies like this. For HOW long? What kind of mother are you?
Yes, they would. I mean, they might. It’s not THAT long. Every kid is different, right?
You would never have even considered leaving Wyatt when he was this young. Don’t you care as much about Thurser?
No, I wouldn’t have. But I’m not the same person as then, I’m better. I’m more confident as a mom and an individual. He’s not the same baby either. And what an absurd question!
What if he runs out of milk? What if your milk supply starts to diminish? What if the plane crashes or one of them gets sick?
NONE of these are a reality. All of these are demons talking. Demons you need to put to rest.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this mom stuff is tricky. I’ve been going 2 1/2 years straight with only a few nights of full sleep and I am definitely starting to feel the need to recharge. People keep saying things like, “you deserve it!” I personally don’t think I deserve it. Any of it. I don’t like the sense of entitlement that word brings to mind. I think I like what my husband said better:
“I think it will be a whole lot of fun.”
Fun refuels the spirit. And spirit gives us the strength to be the best version or ourselves + the ability to persevere when need be.
Of course when we get back I’ll go into all kinds of detail about how I’m pumping + storing breast milk while I’m away, and maybe even share some thoughts about how I managed to stockpile over 230 oz of breast milk so little man can still have the good stuff in my absence, but for now I’ll leave you with this little nugget: Managing stress is key. And eat mama, EAT.
Below you’ll find exactly what I’m bringing with me. I’m a notorious over packer, so I decided to see how much of this capsule wardrobe mindset has really rubbed off on me over the past year and keep my suitcase filled with a minimal + fun selection. I’m curious to find out if I still overpacked, didn’t pack enough or finally managed to hit that sweet spot.
Oh and you can bet anything that you’ll see at least one (or five) pictures of palm trees in the upcoming days if you follow me on Instagram.
I’ll leave you with a quote I heard today:
“We travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us.”
pocket tee, grid blouse, buffalo check top, chambray, dark wash skinny, light sweater, swim cover up, swimsuit, little black dress, black skinny, clutch, tote, blanket scarf, heel, sneaker, flat, panama hat, floppy hat, sunglasses, delicate jewelry, camera, beach blanket, toiletries bag, breast pump backpack