Motherhood

34 Weeks

 

34 weeks (5) 34 weeks (7)

According to babycenter.com Thurser now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds (about the size of a cantaloupe) and is almost 18 inches long.

You guys. I’m pretty sure he’s bigger than that…

His fat layers — which will help regulate his body temperature once he’s born — are filling him out, making him rounder. (Yay!) His skin is also smoother than ever. His central nervous system is maturing and his lungs are continuing to mature as well.

I remember reading these updates with my first pregnancy and being completely in awe, but still oh so completely uncomprehending of the sheer magic taking place inside my body.  I’m not sure my pea brain still totally gets it — but I’d like to think I’m a little less thick this time around. ;)

Also, I’m in full on nesting mode around here.  All of the things can not happen fast enough. All of them. I’m being even more neurotic than normal about the cleanliness of our house and I’m even driving me crazy…

But God has a funny way of knocking you upside the head with a little humility at these points in your life.   Like the very moment you are done vacuuming a room and turn around to find a random pile of dried mud clumps…

Seriously? I feel so deflated sometimes because I bust my butt to get things done around here… And then the dogs start barking outside.  Wyatt is napping — at the moment — upstairs. Are you kidding me right now?  I whip open the back door, in the middle of steaming the floor.

“Get IN here!” I yell-whisper. Of course the moment they come through the door they bolt through the kitchen because well, they don’t like the steam contraption I use to clean our floors… muddy paws and all. Over the very floor I had just cleaned.

Is this real life right now? Or am I writing the script for next week’s episode of Modern Family? I drop the steamer.

Nooohoho…  They are literally freaking out and running around like insane animals. I throw my hands up because it’s clear that until I turn off the steamer lying on the floor there is no way I’m getting the dogs to stop running around much less near me to clean off their paws…

Nick helps me round them up. I wipe them down. And then set off to re-clean the room I just cleaned.  Oh joy! As if I have all the time in the world to get things done before Wyatt wakes up. Not to mention I still have to get lunch put up, prep a weeks worth of meals that I had planned to do today — and the list keeps growing and mounting in my mind until I can actually hear God chuckle.

I’m sweating the small stuff. As usual.

Why do I do this to myself? I don’t even care anymore about the darn floor. I head to a kitchen drawer to grab a glass container to put way lunch leftovers.

Am I so incapable of enjoying life? Is this path of frustration always where I’m doomed to head? What is wrong with me?! As I’m reaching for the container, I feel the tears swell in my eyes. Oh sheesh…

I look up and Nick is there looking straight into my eyes, he reaches out to hug me. “Laura…” he says.

“I jus… I can’t” is all I can get out.  And then “I feel like I try so hard.” He embraces me.  I cry a little into his shoulder releasing the tension I’ve let build up in me over the last few minutes. I feel better.

“I mean sometimes I feel like you just can’t make this stuff up…” I say.

————–

Did you laugh at all while reading that? You did? Good. Because I laughed — probably a little too hard — while reliving it.

I don’t feel embarrassed to share this story simply because I know every human who is well, a human, has experienced something similar to this at some point in their life.  And I would hope to never paint the picture that this is how I feel all of the time, but this is real life and I won’t pretend like I don’t stress out about stupid stuff and wish  I didn’t waste time doing so.

Enjoy life. Choose joy. All of the small stuff around me that I’m “sweating”? All of the unfinished-ness? Well there’s plenty of that, but there are also plenty of moments around me worth actually focusing on and celebrating. I’ve got a lot of room for improvement still, but I’m working on it. You know?

This time is fleeting.  I have 6 weeks left until my due date. Six weeks. Wow!

I used to spend my whole life looking forward to the next big thing — the next phase of my life. When I was in high school it was college. Then in college is was graduation and work. And then marriage. And then babies + getting a house…

I don’t feel that way anymore.  I can truthfully say that I feel more and more content in the very moment I am in every day — and long for time to just stand still. To just be still.  I’m not sure if you could call this progress, but I would surely call it happiness.

Here’s to: not sweating the small stuff, seeking the small moments and to 6 more weeks.  Six weeks!

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1 Comment

  • Reply
    Shauntelle
    February 1, 2015 at 10:00 am

    I did NOT laugh and I swear I will want to commit virtual violence to anyone who did! As a mom of three older kids, I just wanted to give you a big hug of understanding!!! As they grow, you definitely learn to release more of the small stuff… Work – in – progress always.

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